Florida Fun... Holiday Chaos

We're back from Florida and man did we have fun. Three weeks of sunny and eighty five degrees and we come home to a blizzard. Don't get me wrong, I love to ski but it would be nice if it could at least be balmy for the ride of the chairlift.
So above are some of our vacation highlights. Obviously we spent a lot of time in the ocean and one day we found about forty sanddollars. We also went fishing with my Dad and I got lucky. You can see my catch in the picture. It was a monster! At least three a half inches. My son was so impressed he wanted to put in in the tank at home so his gold fish would have a friend.
It would have fit.
So anyway, now we are home and I am sad because I have to shop and I have to shovel my driveway. Oh and we are expecting a foot of snow overnight.

Happy Freakin' Halloween!

I posted a totally Halloween worthy clip in honor of the occasion. So classic!

Halloween is one of my fav holidays. We go all out. That said, I am too tired to type and be witty so I will just show you our Halloween in pictures. FYI: The frequently pictured redhead girls are my nieces Courtney and Lindsay. The boys are my five year old and two year olds Tanner (The Skeleton) and Kellan ( The Witch) however if you ask my husband he is a Warlock. Most of the pics are at my mom's house.

Oh yeah and the scary lady with my kids is my Mother in Law.

I didn't mean it that way.

What's With Me?

I'm so unmotivated. Its fall, almost ski season. I have a story I'm working on that I'm just not feeling. I'm so not creative. The characters are totally not speaking to me.

Not that I try to have a conversation with them. If we did, we wouldn't have much to say. Like a relative who lives away and you have a conversation every few months thats just obligitory like hows the weather, kids. Alls good? Great, talk to you in another few months so we can have the same stupid conversation. I feel like my characters live in Peoria and here am in Rochester and not only do I not want to waste time talking with them on the phone, but I don't care if they even come home for Thanksgiving.

I feel I have extended this metaphore a little too far.

Anyway, I feel sorta disoriented, like Dwight on the Office when Jim hid his desk.

Check out the clip, you'll see what I mean.

I'm Sick

I have a cold. This makes me angry.

I am not a good sick person. I'm grumpy and once I get past the anger of actually being sick, I spend the rest of the time until I am well hunting down the person who made me that way. Was it the dumb woman sho sneezed on me in the Grocery store? Were the germs on the pen that stupid guy handed me to use at the bank? Damn public restrooms and door knobs! Damn you all to hell!

I actually don't mind colds as much as a sore throat. Sore throats suck because I can't talk and I can't not talk. But the thing I hate the most is vomiting. The whole experience of it is horrible. I can't stand other people doing it either. I lived in a sorority house in college where we had some pretty serious drinkers. Back then it was sorta funny. Now not so much, largely because its usually my kids and I'm the one who now has to clean it up.

Sickness annoys me (mine or anyone elses) but injury I find facinating. I love a good bloody wound. THe might need a tournequette needing stitches kind. I could totally handle stitching someone up. Broken bones can be fun, too. I saw a ski accident once where a bone stuck right out from the skin. Dislocations are creepy. But to see them pop back into the socket is interesting.

So anyway, thats my rant. I'm off to blow my nose and hack up some phlem.

More Summer Fun!

So Now thats its mid September, I am nostalgic for July. Sun, fun, swimming, golf, good friends, daylight until 10pm. Ugg. I hate fall. Even the word"fall" sounds tragic. For example, "They fall to the ground after slitting their writs when waking up Monday morning and discovered it was Labor Day." This sentence has tense issues and is struturally incorrect but you get the picture.

Speaking of pictures, I have some.

Kellan digging at the beach.

Dylan and I went to the US Open Tennis in New York. It deserves it own post.

Tanner jumping off the diving board at the Pool.

Me with my Synchronized Swimming girls.

Tanner with Spikes at the Rochester Red Wings Game. Boxes are relly the way to go. Great cheesecake.

Me in a sand trap during the club championship. Dylan is in the left corner as my caddie.

Us losing the club champoinship. I refer you to the previous sand trap.

So that was some of my summer. I miss it already!

What I did On My Summer Vacation Part One: THE BOOKSIGNING

People came! Isn't that exciting? Even total strangers came up to me and wanted to buy my book.! Family, friends, some creepy guy wth a lazy eye ( a fan perhaps?) and of course my Fly Girls, two of which drove their asses all the way from Syracuse to Rochester for the occasion.

It was fun.

I made sure I dressed so I "matched" my book. It takes place in South Florida, very tropical so I wore a cute little beachy outfit. Also, its about professional tennis so my neices who are tournament tennis players came looking very sporty. As for the sex aspect of my book, I had obscene candies that were a hit. I also signed with a playboy pen.

Here are some pics! Hope you like! And if you haven't already get my book LOVE GAME.

LOVE GAME Book Signing Aug 18th

So that is a week from tomorrow and in that time I have a golf tournament, a week of synchro swim practice and I have to clean my house and do laundry becasue I haven't really all summer. Who am I kidding? I won't clean till labor day and as long as everyone has clean underwear, I'll let the laundry go.

SO anyway, my booksigning is Saturday Aug 18th at 2pm at the Borders book store in Victor. I'm excited. I hope people show up. So if anyone is out there who plans on coming, bring a friend.

One thing going for me, I'm friendly and i'm outgoing. Some authors are not so they have a hard time talking to the people who are showing up. I like to chat. My friend also suggested I wear something tight and short so the male population would be interested. I am wondering if food might work just as well. I will bring candy just in case.

I was also asked to do a question/answer thing, but I might feel weird. So far when I get emails from people who have read the book, the question get most is what is it like to write sex scenes. That might be bazarr to answer with my whole family in the room.

So anyway, I'm excited. It's cool. I just hope people show up!

Emmy Nominations!

Sopranos leads the pack with fifteen.
One short of most by a series ever. That title goes to Moonlighting in 1986 with sixteen.

Just had to say that to give my show their props.

Anyway, there is alot that I am happy about this year. For one thing, it isn't just a celebration of edgy cable shows that get attention because they can swear and show boobs. Forgive me, but I actually like network TV. Boton Legal got a nod for Drama series as did fave and front runner James Spader. Also American Ferrera is in for Ugly Betty and a million noms for Office including Rainne Wilson Steve Carrel, Jenna Fischer and writing nods for "Gay Witch Hunt" and The Negotiation" both great eps by the way.

Other notables... Jamie Pressly for her role as Joy on My Name Is Earl. Too funny. She deserves to win.
Tina Fey for her writing expertise on 30 Rock. (Can I have her career, please?)
Patricia Arqueet for lead actress on Medium. ( Glenn Carron creation. Had to be said)
Anyway, I am off in search of more quality TV.
Have I mentioned I am addicted to "Scott Bai0 is 45 and Single"?

Summer Baby!

I love Summer! Golf swimming. Eating bad food, getting melanoma. All the pastimes. This week I will be wrapping up my WIP and closing my computer down for a while.
Other things I want to do this summer...
1) Try not to have any tan lines so I can wear tube tops and not looks stupid.

2) Eat calamari

3) Remember to water my flowers so they don't die.

4)Catch up on all the TV I missed.

5)Spend time with hubby and family.

Thats all folks. I'm off to go run naked in the sprinkler!

Dig My Cover?

Hey Guys! This is my cover for my romantci suspense story LOVE GAME from Wild Rose Press. It comes out his summer. Head down to Amazon and grab your self a copy.

Here's A Blurb....

EVER FEEL CURSED BY A GIFT? International tennis star KENLEIGH DWYER knows how that feels. With unprecedented talent and extraordinary beauty, she’s heralded as America’s Sweetheart. But her gift has made her a target. Her father, notorious South Florida gangster BIG AL DWYER has a hobby fixing high-stakes sporting events. He needs a favor from his famous daughter.
And her refusal may cost her life.
Eight years earlier, BLAKE “STREAK” GARRISON was the playboy of the NASCAR circuit before a fiery crash in the Daytona 500 nearly killed him. It wasn’t an accident, and his obsession for revenge has led him to a monster. Big Al Dwyer.
Now a FBI expert in organized crime, Blake has infiltrated Al’s closely knit gang. When news breaks of Kenleigh’s vicious stabbing, he knows Al is to blame. He also sees a chance at the ultimate revenge. Destroy the devil by the hand of his spawn. Blake is convinced Kenleigh is the perfect weapon, and the key to Al’s demise.
Until he falls in love with her. And she might love him too, if she didn’t believe he was sent to kill her.

At The Finish Line

I am working on this manuscript that basically I actually started writing a month ago and I want to finish the draft by friday. Fifty thousand words in five weeks. Doesn't sound like much but tell that to my aching back, bugged out eyes and oh, I think I have carpul tunnel for real now.

I like to work fast but not this fast.

My plans are to finish this baby completely and send it off by the time my husband is done teaching mid june so I can take off the rest of the summer and enjoy my family. I am totally looking forward to it. But until then I will be waking up at 7am and writing until 8am when the kids get up and sneak it in whenever I can. And at night (now that the TV season is over) I will work to the wee hours.

Yeah! Back to work....

Random Thoughts While Jogging

I am training for a half marathon in September so recently I have been doing a lot of running. First off, running sucks. I hate running but I hate being out of shape even more so for a few months pounding pavement it is.

Running is a lonely sport. you're alone with your thoughts. So, since I have nothing else interesting to post, I give you some of my thoughts as I jog aimlessly around my neighborhood every night.

1) A Hotness Of A Man is Severely Reduced if they are Walking an Emasculating Dog: My idea of a rugged rough and tumble guy is one that walk a Rottweiler or Doberman. If you are holding a little Chuiwawa like fucking Paris Hilton, sorry. Fefe the Pomeranian will NOT get you laid.

2) There are a lot of Uncoordinated Children in the World: I have seen many near fatal spills on roller blades, scooters and bikes and one unfortunate run in with a basketball hoop. ( and I do mean run in) Phys ed classes should not be abolished! Write your congressman.

3) Mailmen can be hot.

4) Chem lawn guy, not so much.

5)My Ipod has many songs I didn't know about. Vanilla Ice is fun to run to.

6) Why do all Skippy ice cream Drivers look like they have Hepatitis.

7)Whats with all the hate on Dandilions? I think they're kind or pretty.

and lastly...

8)How good would a cheeseburger taste right now?

Prom '07: How Queer Are We?

First of all let me just preface that my husband and I share a brain. We love practical jokes and quoting funny movies (CaddyShack and Tommy Boy are our favorites.) We also like to do stupid stuff. Now remember, what we consider stupid and fun might be regarded as pathetic to others since we have been married for almost a decade and have two little boys that never let us leave that house that much. But when we do go out...

Look out! Freak shows on parade!

So when my husband Dylan asked me to chaperone the prom with him (he's a high school teacher) Well hell, we went all out. He took me out for a great meal, got me flowers, did all the prom things high school kids do. I told him that there was no pressure to impress. I was a sure thing after all (after two kids the thrill of the chase is more like the thrill of the "roll over and ask nice."

TMI. Just kidding.

I have to say I had a great time. Much different from my other prom experiences. For one, I was sober the whole time, second I got to bed before dawn. Third, it didn't involve sleeping in the bathtub of a seedy hotel room in my date's tux (Sophmore year), throwing up on my science teacher's Lexus ( Junior prom) or singing the ABC's to my college boyfriend wasted at four in the morning to prove I wasn't drunk while my hookup of the night is sitting next to me holding cue cards ( Senior Ball).

Very tame in comparison, but fun just the same. We still know how to have a good time which is why I posted the picture below. "The Anti Prom Pic (I don't know why I am holding tin foil)

I'm Back BABY!!!!!!!!

So I went to Florida for a few weeks with my family and friends. I flew with the help of some great drugs (thank you Valium), shopped, went to the beach, golfed, got a tan and did some reading that I otherwise would not have time to do. I am totally refreshed, ready to write. ( A chapter a week is out critique partner pact) I'm ready bitches! Bring it on!

I thought I would post a few vacation pics just for your viewing pleasure. Its great to be home.

The Bitches are Back! A PREVIEW of our Time in NEC

So we went to NEC and Natick Mass Crown Plaza hotel we'll never been the same. Barbie, Jen, Kari me and our friend Regina rocked the joint.

And now, I present a preview of OUR WEEKEND IN PICTURES...Sorry this post is not that funny. Mostly because I am still in a coma.

Right: The Robert Palmer Girls

Left: The Robert Palmer FLY GIRLS! (much sexier)

More pics to come this week!

Gopher Grab A Booey! Man Overboard

What's with the recent epidemic of people falling off cruise ships? Is this a new problem or did it just happen to one guy and a couple others thought it would be cool to copy cat? To all these people I have a few questions I would like answered.
1) HOW? Or more exact, How DRUNK are you? I mean, I understand if you were tipsy. You're on a cruise, Issac tends to overserve and you enjoyed one too many umbrella drinks. But lets face it, it takes some amount of cordination to jump up on the railing and swan dive into the deep blue. Unless you pissed off Julie and Vicki and they pushed you, or you're one of Doc's disgruntled girlfriends.
2) HOW DUMB ARE YOU? In this question I am also referring to your friends. Did they encourage this? If this is the case, get new friends. Or at least don't listen when they want you to reinact the"King of The World" scene in Titanic.
3) HOW PISSED WAS EVERYONE WHEN THEY TURNED AROUND TO GET YOU? Not that I am a great waterskier, but I remember how annoying it was to drop some stupid skier who tripped over the wake and have to go back and retreive them. This person fell off a floating city. If I were the spotter I would say "fuck it" and let him swim his ass to shore.

But maybe falling of a cruise ship is tramatizing. Especially if you can't swim and even more so if you are appetizing to sea life. I however am not sympathetic. My advice to them is this: Keep your ass on the Lido deck and take in a Charo show. No one cares if you drown.

There is Something Seriously Wrong With Me. I Swear!

Those of your who know me know that I have a weird and warped way of looking at life. For me, I think everything is perfect. Great husband, great family, great health, great life in general. And becasue of this I think that there will be some sort of cosmic retribution for this at some point (what I like to call "waiting for the other shoe to drop") where Fate will even the score and I will be rewarded with my greatest fear. An illness that robs my cordination strength and basically all I value about myself.

Now, I am not so much a hyperchondrac rather I have decided that this is the worst possible thing that could happen to me so I am convinced I have it. A few months ago my head felt funny and instead of accepting the doctor's assessment of 'sinus problems" I was convinced this was some neorological illness settling in once and for all rendering me catatonic in a wheel chair. No more golf skiing, tennis or the multitue of sports that I play obsessively. My family would be miserable and I would be payed back for my lifetime of happiness.

I have told others that I would rather have anything else, especially something that either you treat it, get better or die than basically just suffereing for years and years.
Yeah, I know. Who thinks Danielle is crazy? Show of hands.

Wow. I feel better now that I have vented. Actually I think I just have seasonal affective disorder and need spring to come. Besides, sunshine contains vitimin D and vitimin D deficits are thought to be a cause of soem nerological diseases.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

My Most Recent Inspiration: Bailey Chase

I admit it, I like men. My choice is tall blonde athletic looking guys which is funny because my husband is under six feet and had dark hair. (he is athletic though which is a definite prerequiste if you knew me) But even if my husband is not my "type" I think he's hot none the less. He's at the top of my "to do" list.

And then there is Bailey Chase.

He used to be on my soap opera "As The World Turns" playing a young Dr. Hughes. I think he is a pretty good actor, although most of his air time I was too busy fantasizing if he were my doctor and I needed a VERY IN-DEPTH physical. He's been in other stuff too, TV movies and I think Buffy fans might recognize him from a few late series episodes. Even in Vampire garb he was pretty good looking. He could bite me anytime.

Okay so my point: Hotness aside, when I write a male character (a hero as the lingo goes) I have a few consistencies. A sense of humor, and some sort of Achilles heel that has to do with something the heroine possesses. I like Bailey because he looks tough but he has a vulnerability. Not so much that he writes poetry and collects ceramic cats, but like a thoughtful place inside him. A sensitivity that isn't sappy and emasculating.

Making sense?

That said, I think its funny that Bailey now plays Becks, Daniel's womanizing, party-boy friend on Ugly Betty. A totally shallow guy that I find sexy as hell, too. But just as actors can be versatile, I think characters in book should be too. People don't believe me when I say I learn more from watching TV than I do from reading books. But TV characters offer a study in arc and growth, something essential in books and something I think movies lack at least for my purposes.

TV, movies, whatever. I would watch Bailey read the phone book.

My Two Year Old Is Prison Bound

My whole life I have been told that I was an "interesting" child. My mother usually tells me this with a laugh and then spews off all the great stories about me. Like the time my father had to come home from work to find me becasue I hid in the creek bed behind our house and yelled "help" so the babysitter who I hated would quit. (age five)

I cut myself a piece of my sister's wedding cake before they did. ( I was six) and blew out all the candles on the centerpieces.
I found paint in our garage when I was eight and painted the front door with white pokadots.

I can't think of half the stories, mostly because I am so tired of keeping my younger son from following in my footsteps. So far today he has flushed a plastic golf ball down the toilet, pulled wall paper off the wall, taken his diaper off and peed on the stairs and hit the cat over the head with a skillet.

Then he took a nap.

The child is so damn cute but he is a hell raiser. My first son is the most well behaved kid in the world. To the point where my mom was coaching him on how to be bad just to pay me back for the headaches I caused her. The other day Tanner (the five year old) looked at me after I dissaplined Kellan (the two year old) shook his head and asked "When will he learn to be good, mommy?

"Soon" I said.

After the skillet bashing incident today Tanner asked, "Mommy, is it soon yet?"
My husband laughed and said "Ask us again in five to seven years. And from now on, refer to us as "the wardens."

And here is Kellan's first mug shot.

Its In The Kiss

I meant to do this topic during Valentines week but I forgot and I was busy revising things for submission. But here I am and I have a question to pose. Have you ever had a knock-you-out, mind-numming, kneeknocking, throw-me-down and-lets-get-to-the-good-stuff kiss? I have but I don't kiss and tell.

Oh wait, yes I do.

My husband is a great kisser. He's a big fan of it to. He will do it anywhere and has. I used to get embarrassed but now I just think its funny, and his "who cares who sees" attitude is sexy. I have also learned to aprechiate good kissing.

In college my a few of my sorority sisters and I would head over to one of the frat houses every Monday night and have "porn night" Don't get excited folks we just watched it ate pizza, and drank beer left over in the keg from the weekend. But one night in stead of watching Traci Lords hump a cable man, we ended up discussing why kissing can be so much more personal than sex sometimes. The guys said that they noticed that if they like a girl a lot, thought about kissing them more than having sex with them. I am not sure if they meant it or thought that was just what we wanted to hear, but they explained themselves pretty well and I have to admit they focuced on the converstaion instead of the doggystyle romp on the TV screen.

Hows that for sensitive frat boys.

Now I have seen Pretty Woman and Julia Roberts character talks about kissing is so personal that she isn't supposed to do it. I guess that whole thing makes sense. Kissing is a huge part of the sexual attraction bit. What do you guys think?

By the way the picture above is the 2003 Valentines issue of TV guide. Maddie and Davids kiss came in third of all times although the article does say that the sex scene AFTER IT is hands down number one of all times.

I will accept congratulations on their behalf.

Lost in Ski Paradise

So for the past week I have been with my family in Ellicottville, New York. We are skiers and we have been members at Holimont since the year it opened in the mid sixties (before I was born) when all there was there was a tow rope tied between trees and no grooming at all. Now its this huge place with over a hundred trails. The town itself too has grown (obnoxiously in my opinion) from a place where you had to call the town sheffif at his house directly to a place with its own fire department and five real estate agencies.

We had a ski chalet at the top of Holimont until a few years ago when my mom sold it with the intention of getting something bigger for our extended family and more easily accessable (you had to walk a quarter mile up hill to get to it after parking the car) . We all regret it now becasue we all miss the old place instead of staying in rented condos. They may be easier to get too but lack the charm of an old rotary phone and tin foil rabit ears on the TV.

This break though we managed to strike a deal with the new owners and actually stayed at the old place. Weird. They modernized it, added skylights and (gulp) a driveway and satalite TV.

Thank god the rotary phone was sill there to which my five year old son asked me. "Is this older than dinasaurs?"

Anyway, I hate change and the notion that time marches on. Thank God the skiing is still great as always. I think i'll go hit the slopes now for one last run before the light gets flat.

Kill Me, But I Liked Anna Nicole

So I know she was a little nutty, but I really liked Anna Nicole Smith. Not that she was a great actress or rocket scientist ( but perhaps just as oversexxed as some of the rocket scientists recently in the news) but beyond the fake boobs she was a real person. This woman may have had huges sucesses but incredible sadness. She came from nothing and made something of herself. Her poor dead son loved her and was always by her side. For a kid to love his mom that much she had to have done something right.

I admit, I watched the Anna Nicole Show and there were times when I thought it was pathetic, but man that woman bouced back. She was facing a million law suits, family members begging for money. She had a tough life, despite the Hollywood surroundings.

I feel so bad for Dannilyn. Its a wierd to think that Anna Nicole was the stability in her life and now she's gone. What a drama.

Just Like Anna Nicole

The Fifth Season Does NOT SUCK! (Minus Annie)

So, March 7 is the release date for the fifth season of Moonlighting and I personally can't wait. Word on the street is that Glenn is doing a commentary for Womb with a View (for anyone who doesn't know, this is the episode where David is dessed up in footie Pjs as the fetus "BABY HAYES" and Jerome the Guardian Angel introduces him to his parents, Maddie and David) I want to hear right from the horse's mouth that David is the father and not Sam Crawford!

There are poeple out there still unsure. You know who you are.

Okay, so I know fifth season has some low points. (Lunar?) But I think some of the downright funniest episodes are this season. NETHERWORLD is one of my all time faves where they have to run around with a corpse in the BMW's backseat and look for a lottery ticket. (You can't beat the shower scene in that one either.)

And of course the point of contention for every ML fan. ANNIE. I will probably be attacked for this but here is my opinion. I think the Annie arc would have worked if it made David and Maddie realize how awful life was without each other. I am not sure where the whole storyline went awry but I think its is somewhere where David calls her "desperate."

How out of charater is that?

If this post makes little sense to some people, sorry. But the Die Hard ML fan( cheap pun, sorry) will understand. I already ordered season five and will watch it faithfully. But for me the show ends at "Lips and Lies"

Cakes

Cheerleading is an art NOT A Sport!

My niece Lindsay is the capatin of her cheer team. ( She is the redhead peeking out from the curtain on the far left hand side of the picture of the three girls and the girl dancing in the back) Our family is very sports oriented so imagine the ribbing she gets ( from me especially) that she has chosen cheerleading as a winter sport.

Now before people yell at me, I must say this. Cheerleading is not what it used to be. You don't just jump around and scream. Lindsay takes gymnastic classes and practices dance everyday. However I question the sport part of it when I hear this. The following is the exchange I heard the other day at one of her "competitions"...( I am really worried that so and so other team might beat us becasue they had sparkles on their eyes and we didn't. Plus their hair ribbons are bigger. )

What?

Okay when I played field hockey or was skiing racing I was more likely to hear this exchange ( so and so might have an edge over us today becasue I am playing with a broken limb and she is not). That said, I think Cheerleading should be considered a "performance art." It's dance plain and simple. I have said this to others and they in turn ask me that since I coach Synchronized swimming ( Eighteen and up team pictured above, at Nationals two years ago) that that should be considered a proformance art also. I agree. Synchronized swimming combines the endurance and athletisism of speedswimming but artistry of an actress. I have a background in both which is why I like to coach it. An while we do spend alot of time focusing on costume, song, and the storytelling of the piece or performance. We also spend hours in the weightroom and swim miles of laps a week.

Okay, so maybe both are performance arts. So Lindsay, I'm proud of you as I am am proud of my swimmers. Here are their pictures (AND NO, THEY ARE NOT TOUCHING THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL!)

Why I Couldn't Be A Teacher

Actually I was a gym teacher for three years before I got married, but I really was not your everyday goody goody sweetheart of a teacher. For example, agressive play is supposed to be discouraged but when we played floor hockey, I was okay with the slashing as long as it wasn't in the face, hooking was just plain funny and boarding, well, acceptable if the player in question asked for it.

I am also of the old school "If Someone hits you, hit them back." The new lingo is "Use your words" which is fine if you mean "Instead of grunting and pointing, say, pass me the crayon." But if someone smacks my kid in the face, I want then to smack them back harder. If they must use their words, they can say after "Hows that feel, sucker!"

My own kids are well manered. I teach them respect however I don't believe in respecting your elders just becasue they are old. I don't care if you are eighty or eight, if you are not a nice person, I what my kids to feel like they can tell you to go to hell if they need to.

Okay, so I am getting to my point. My family has always told our kids. "Biting is the worst thing another kid can do to you. Whatever you can do to prevent it, do so." So my five year old was at school and some other kid tried to bite him. He did what he was told and knocked the little vampire over the head witha Tonka Truck. My son got away unscathed but the other kid has a gash on his forehead. Served him right. I think.

So I get to school and my son runs up to me and relays the story all smiles and I tell him how proud I am of him. The teacher then comes over to tell me how in the future my son must "use his words". I told her that I dissagreed and I had a few words of my own for her. ( I know what those who know me well are thinking. I kept my hands to myself.)

What is my my son going to say? "Please stupid fellow classmate, but do not take a bite out of my arm." I can not see a converstaion working in this case. Self defense was nessasary.

I find that most Dads agree with me but lots of women don't. Although I have to say on my own behalf I'm not your everyday woman either. I'm strange and I see the world how I see it. My husband calls it DaniLand where I am the sole ruler. Dylan is the Treasurer.

Anyway, I have rambled. I'm off to sign my kids up for Boxing!

Pillow Fighting is NOT a Sport!

Okay so I was surfing the web this morning because I was procrastinating and there was a story on Yahoo that New York City will be hosting the World Pillow Fight championships and it will be televisied on one of the ESPNs.

What!

I used to coach a nationally ranked Synchronized Swim team and we always complained that our sport was NEVER televisied. Even nationals and we are an Olympic sport. ESPN shows the World Eating Chapionships ( which I think I could contend in by the way when I am PMSing) Tournament Checkers, and Spelling Bee ( Please tell me where the strategy is in that? You spell it right or wrong then sit down.) Synchronized Swimming requires the endurance and athletisim of a distance swimmer, and the showmanship of a performer. Plus I bet the guys would dig their skimpy bathing suits. Why does ESPN not show it!

Back to the pillow fighting. I get that it is a competition and that I quess its like boxing. But what is next. National Leapfrong Competition?

I have to say I am glad they recognized sports like Dodgeball now. As a gym teacher I loved dodgeball day becasue the game was self-sustaining, and the kids always participated. Low matience day at work. Plus it was fun to watch the kids beat the crap out of each other ( I was not your normal goodie-goodie teacher) I can only imagine how much fun they would have had with pillow fights. Maybe thats the key to healing todays youth. The hell with couseling and handholding with emotially screwed up kids. Give them a pillow and some misguided hostility and you have a pillow fighting champion.

By the way, I can say this stuff because I worked in the inner city. Once you have kids that miss class becasue they had to attend their own arraignement for armed robery you earned the right to joke. ( AND THAT WAS ONLY A MIDDLESCHOOLER! )

So I rambled. Sue Me!

Cakes

I Need To Get Out More

I am a stay-at-home mom to two small boys (five and two) and some days I think I might be losing my mind. I can not tell you how many times a week I hear myself say "Get Your finger out of your nose" or "Its not nice to play with that in front of others" or one of my frequent favorites "Don't hit your brother with that or else were all going to the hospital." Don't get me wrong I love my job, (and if any of your ultra liberal feminists are reading this, yes mothering is a job) and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Sometimes I question my abilities, but like my mom says. "They're still alive so you you must be doing something right." Thank God for my mom.

Anyway, if even I most days I forget to brush the back of my hair and I am wearing two different pairs of sock. I have a good time. I have the pictures to prove it. The one posted below is me in one of my finer moments last fall that my husband was moved to document.

Something to remember me by when he ships me off to the mental ward.

I'm a Fly Girl!

Just wanted to let you guys know that starting this week I will be joing my three girlfriends on a joint blog. Its called the Fly Girls. We did not name us, by the way. The name was given to us when we were at The New Jersey Conference together and our dancing and kerioke skills earned us dollarbills in our underwear. (Sorry mom) Anyway, we are all writers and are going to document our journey. No holds barred!

Shudder.

Anyway, stop on by and check us out. Jen already started us out and we will all take turns to post. I am very excited. Oh yeah, and we are also colaborating on a screenplay so that will be mildly entertaining. Yeah Fly Girls!

The Legend of Bue and Jean: Why I Love My BF

I have known my best friend since we were five. Kara and I went all the way through school together. She has been by my side my whole life, was in my wedding, is the God mother to my youngest son. We even lived together for a year. When I write woman characters in converstions with their close friends I always picture the conversation as if I were talking to Kara.
Except I make them coherent.
"Boo and Jean" are the alter ego names we call ourselves when we do something especially notable. For example, when we would play drunk golf or steal flowers for center pieces from other people's gardens, or break into to ex-boyfriend's house to steal beer. (Thank God she talked me out of "borrowing" the boat.) When we were in fifth grade we went to camp together and I made her bring her mini TV so I could watch my shows. It was confiscated. I still don't know if she ever got it back.
The things she does for me!
Jean covered when I would skip school and did my homework for classes I didn't even know I was taking. I accompanied her to her boyfriend's cottage one summer unnannounced and helped her break in when we saw another girl's clothes inside the window. We ended up hosting a party and the other girl was out of luck. The night ended in a epic game of Asshole, which is why we are wearing a lampshade and box in the picture.
We're assholes!
Now that we are grown ups we do grown up things. She is now a highly respected marketing director in Rochester and is sober 90% of the time. She is young, single and ready to mingle. We don't get to hand out much anymore as Assholes because I would feel bad for my kids if I got arrested. But we are still best friends. My husband even refers to her as his "Platonic Wife" and my kids sometimes slip and call her mommy. I love her to death and would not know what i would do without her!
Someone once said that if you can say that you lived your life with one good friend, than you lived a good one. All I know is Kara totally fits the bill. She deserves a book of her own. I would be sure to include the stories about her college boyfriend who named his car "Free Tibet" and how she ran over his lamp post in an effort to make a drunk getaway from his house. I could go on an on. Like I said, I could write a book. The Advetures of Boo and Jean!
We would have to change names to protect the innocent.

Help My TV Is Broken! Say a Novena!

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE TV. My big screen HD set is like my third child, and right now something is wrong with the picture tube. I am no eletrical engineer person or whoever is an expert in these type of things, and I don't know if a picture tube is even one of the parts in the thing. Either way it is broken and I am eagerly waiting between the hours of 11 and five for it to be fixed. The guy better hurry. All the good shows start back next week up after holiday break!

My fav shows currently on air are Bones, Ugly Betty and The Office. I am still holding out hope for Standoff on Fox. I also love classic TV. Old eighties sitcoms like Cosby Show and Family Ties. Growing Pains, Small Wonder...

Yeah, Small Wonder! ... Joke! Just wanted to see if you were still reading. But you do remember the show don't you?

My fave show of all times is Moonlighting but that deserves a post all its own. Roseanne is a respectable second. Funny, but the writing staff is esentially the same on both shows. The one show I haven't gotten around to watching is Veronica Mars. A very close friend of mine says that I remind her of her. Of course this is the same woman who after she saw Walk The Line she called me from the movie theater lobby on her way out to tell me that Reese Witherspoons portrayal June Carter Cash was a dead ringer for me. She still calls me Resse on occasion. ( I do however see myself in her character in "Freeway" a whole hell of alot.) Its on Cin on Demand right now. You should check it out.

Excuse my rambling.

So anyway, I will be TV less today. Maury will have to find unfortunate babies' Daddys without my support, and I'll miss round five million between Rosie and Donald Trump on The View. I guess I'll have to do something productive. Like maybe get some work done.
Or I could just watch DVD's on my computer.

New Years Resolutions!

So its 2007! I'm thrilled. Now I can make all those New Years Resolutions that I never keep so by March I can experince late-winter self doubt. Okay, so I'm not that manic, but I will say that this year I have resolved to make resolutions that I will enjoy keeping.

1) GAIN WEIGHT. In just the past month three people told me I look too thin. To those people THANK YOU- whether it was a complement or not. I digress as I reach for thr the Sun Chips.

2) WATCH MORE TV. I can not get enough of Ugly Betty and Office. Can Steve Carrel be any funnier? And of course Moonlighting season five on DVD has already been pre ordered.

3)PLAY MORE PRACTCAL JOKES ON MY HUSBAND A month ago I strolled into the house with a mangled back bumper and told him that I ran over the mailbox with his SUV that he had just driven home from the body shop and hour before. (Oh wait, that really happened AND it wasn't funny. Bad example.)

4) STOP BITING MY NAILS opps thats should be in the "2007 Pipe Dreams" Catagory. Sorry for the confusion.

5) LEARN TO DO THE LAUNDRY Did you know it was possible to shrink towels?

Thats all I've got. As you can see I don't expect much from myself. That way I am not dissapointed. Happy New Year All!