Gopher Grab A Booey! Man Overboard

What's with the recent epidemic of people falling off cruise ships? Is this a new problem or did it just happen to one guy and a couple others thought it would be cool to copy cat? To all these people I have a few questions I would like answered.
1) HOW? Or more exact, How DRUNK are you? I mean, I understand if you were tipsy. You're on a cruise, Issac tends to overserve and you enjoyed one too many umbrella drinks. But lets face it, it takes some amount of cordination to jump up on the railing and swan dive into the deep blue. Unless you pissed off Julie and Vicki and they pushed you, or you're one of Doc's disgruntled girlfriends.
2) HOW DUMB ARE YOU? In this question I am also referring to your friends. Did they encourage this? If this is the case, get new friends. Or at least don't listen when they want you to reinact the"King of The World" scene in Titanic.
3) HOW PISSED WAS EVERYONE WHEN THEY TURNED AROUND TO GET YOU? Not that I am a great waterskier, but I remember how annoying it was to drop some stupid skier who tripped over the wake and have to go back and retreive them. This person fell off a floating city. If I were the spotter I would say "fuck it" and let him swim his ass to shore.

But maybe falling of a cruise ship is tramatizing. Especially if you can't swim and even more so if you are appetizing to sea life. I however am not sympathetic. My advice to them is this: Keep your ass on the Lido deck and take in a Charo show. No one cares if you drown.

There is Something Seriously Wrong With Me. I Swear!

Those of your who know me know that I have a weird and warped way of looking at life. For me, I think everything is perfect. Great husband, great family, great health, great life in general. And becasue of this I think that there will be some sort of cosmic retribution for this at some point (what I like to call "waiting for the other shoe to drop") where Fate will even the score and I will be rewarded with my greatest fear. An illness that robs my cordination strength and basically all I value about myself.

Now, I am not so much a hyperchondrac rather I have decided that this is the worst possible thing that could happen to me so I am convinced I have it. A few months ago my head felt funny and instead of accepting the doctor's assessment of 'sinus problems" I was convinced this was some neorological illness settling in once and for all rendering me catatonic in a wheel chair. No more golf skiing, tennis or the multitue of sports that I play obsessively. My family would be miserable and I would be payed back for my lifetime of happiness.

I have told others that I would rather have anything else, especially something that either you treat it, get better or die than basically just suffereing for years and years.
Yeah, I know. Who thinks Danielle is crazy? Show of hands.

Wow. I feel better now that I have vented. Actually I think I just have seasonal affective disorder and need spring to come. Besides, sunshine contains vitimin D and vitimin D deficits are thought to be a cause of soem nerological diseases.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

My Most Recent Inspiration: Bailey Chase

I admit it, I like men. My choice is tall blonde athletic looking guys which is funny because my husband is under six feet and had dark hair. (he is athletic though which is a definite prerequiste if you knew me) But even if my husband is not my "type" I think he's hot none the less. He's at the top of my "to do" list.

And then there is Bailey Chase.

He used to be on my soap opera "As The World Turns" playing a young Dr. Hughes. I think he is a pretty good actor, although most of his air time I was too busy fantasizing if he were my doctor and I needed a VERY IN-DEPTH physical. He's been in other stuff too, TV movies and I think Buffy fans might recognize him from a few late series episodes. Even in Vampire garb he was pretty good looking. He could bite me anytime.

Okay so my point: Hotness aside, when I write a male character (a hero as the lingo goes) I have a few consistencies. A sense of humor, and some sort of Achilles heel that has to do with something the heroine possesses. I like Bailey because he looks tough but he has a vulnerability. Not so much that he writes poetry and collects ceramic cats, but like a thoughtful place inside him. A sensitivity that isn't sappy and emasculating.

Making sense?

That said, I think its funny that Bailey now plays Becks, Daniel's womanizing, party-boy friend on Ugly Betty. A totally shallow guy that I find sexy as hell, too. But just as actors can be versatile, I think characters in book should be too. People don't believe me when I say I learn more from watching TV than I do from reading books. But TV characters offer a study in arc and growth, something essential in books and something I think movies lack at least for my purposes.

TV, movies, whatever. I would watch Bailey read the phone book.

My Two Year Old Is Prison Bound

My whole life I have been told that I was an "interesting" child. My mother usually tells me this with a laugh and then spews off all the great stories about me. Like the time my father had to come home from work to find me becasue I hid in the creek bed behind our house and yelled "help" so the babysitter who I hated would quit. (age five)

I cut myself a piece of my sister's wedding cake before they did. ( I was six) and blew out all the candles on the centerpieces.
I found paint in our garage when I was eight and painted the front door with white pokadots.

I can't think of half the stories, mostly because I am so tired of keeping my younger son from following in my footsteps. So far today he has flushed a plastic golf ball down the toilet, pulled wall paper off the wall, taken his diaper off and peed on the stairs and hit the cat over the head with a skillet.

Then he took a nap.

The child is so damn cute but he is a hell raiser. My first son is the most well behaved kid in the world. To the point where my mom was coaching him on how to be bad just to pay me back for the headaches I caused her. The other day Tanner (the five year old) looked at me after I dissaplined Kellan (the two year old) shook his head and asked "When will he learn to be good, mommy?

"Soon" I said.

After the skillet bashing incident today Tanner asked, "Mommy, is it soon yet?"
My husband laughed and said "Ask us again in five to seven years. And from now on, refer to us as "the wardens."

And here is Kellan's first mug shot.

Its In The Kiss

I meant to do this topic during Valentines week but I forgot and I was busy revising things for submission. But here I am and I have a question to pose. Have you ever had a knock-you-out, mind-numming, kneeknocking, throw-me-down and-lets-get-to-the-good-stuff kiss? I have but I don't kiss and tell.

Oh wait, yes I do.

My husband is a great kisser. He's a big fan of it to. He will do it anywhere and has. I used to get embarrassed but now I just think its funny, and his "who cares who sees" attitude is sexy. I have also learned to aprechiate good kissing.

In college my a few of my sorority sisters and I would head over to one of the frat houses every Monday night and have "porn night" Don't get excited folks we just watched it ate pizza, and drank beer left over in the keg from the weekend. But one night in stead of watching Traci Lords hump a cable man, we ended up discussing why kissing can be so much more personal than sex sometimes. The guys said that they noticed that if they like a girl a lot, thought about kissing them more than having sex with them. I am not sure if they meant it or thought that was just what we wanted to hear, but they explained themselves pretty well and I have to admit they focuced on the converstaion instead of the doggystyle romp on the TV screen.

Hows that for sensitive frat boys.

Now I have seen Pretty Woman and Julia Roberts character talks about kissing is so personal that she isn't supposed to do it. I guess that whole thing makes sense. Kissing is a huge part of the sexual attraction bit. What do you guys think?

By the way the picture above is the 2003 Valentines issue of TV guide. Maddie and Davids kiss came in third of all times although the article does say that the sex scene AFTER IT is hands down number one of all times.

I will accept congratulations on their behalf.